


In Murky Waters

by teamfreetitan



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Canon Backstory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loving boyfriends, M/M, Phobias, Protectiveness, Swimming, You Have Been Warned, You might cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 05:39:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6271924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamfreetitan/pseuds/teamfreetitan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clary invites the Shadowhunters of the New York Institute and Magnus out for a day of swimming at her and Simon's favorite summer hideout from when they were kids. The only problem is that Magnus does not exactly have a good relationship with water.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Murky Waters

The water was so deep that it was black. The only color was the murky top layer, with hardly any light going through it anyway. Sun reflected on the surface, shining back bright white. The water didn’t absorb a speck of light. It rippled out from the center, occasionally brushing farther up onto the shoreline of the lake, dampening the beige sand that had just dried from the last time the water pushed its way up onto the beach. A wooden dock protruded from the land and out over the water. Jace ran to the edge and jumped in, disappearing below to surface for a few seconds before re emerging, golden hair soggy and brown and bare chest wet. He grinned. Magnus looked on from the ground.

Alec tugged at his hand. Magnus had unconsciously stopped walking, taking in the view of the lake, which either made his heart beat so nervously fast that he could no longer feel it or made it stop altogether. Magnus hoped it was the latter. His boyfriend’s words brought him back to reality. “You wanna go jump in with me, Magnus?” Alec asked.

The warlock swallowed, using his free hand to toy with the edge of his swim trunks. He had to buy a pair just for this occasion; he hadn’t had a pair of swim trunks ever. You could say he wasn’t fond of the water, though that was a shocking understatement. He was fine with showers, drinking a glass to refrain from dehydration, and brushing his teeth, but much more than that caused him issues, especially if it meant getting in.

“That’s quite alright, darling,” Magnus responded after a few seconds. “Only a fool tests the depth of water with both feet.” Alec gave him a side glance, as if to ask what was wrong. “It’s fine, Alec. Go hang out with the others. I’d prefer to just hang out on the dock, if you don’t mind too much.”

Alec opened his mouth in protest, but he was cut off by Izzy, who’d splashed them from the water. “You guys are so slow!” She called with a giggle. “Hurry up! The water’s warm!” The dark haired boy gave Magnus one more stern look, as if he thought the warlock might change his mind. He didn’t. Alec rushed to the edge of the dock and jumped in, doing a front flip on his way into the water. Magnus found it quite captivating. 

He strolled over, sitting down on the edge of the wooden platform and dipping a toe in the water. It was warm, but it was even darker up close. He couldn’t see the bottom. It almost made him pull back immediately. He stayed, telling himself that everything was fine. These were his friends, this was Alec. It’s fine.

How Alec had even convinced him to come in the first place baffled him. Swimming? No way. Magnus didn’t like the water, not one little bit. But… Alec had been smiling so wide with that dopey grin of his, and he’d been too excited about it. How could Magnus say no when Alec looked that cute? And the thought of Alec in a swimsuit, hot damn. Clary had arranged the day to take them to the lake she went to as a kid with Simon. It was hidden and there were rarely many other people there. She’d invited the whole gang, and for some reason, Magnus found that he just couldn’t deny the invitation.

He watched the five others swim around, splashing each other and having contests about who could hold their breath underwater for the longest. After a short while, Alec swam over and leaned his forearms on the peer next to Alec. “Hey,” he said, looking up at his boyfriend. “You sure you don’t want to get in?”

Magnus contemplated the water. He kicked his right foot out of the water. “I am in the water, technically,” he replied.

“I meant in. All the way in.” 

Magnus shook his head. “I’m good up here. This is enough water for now.” For forever, he added mentally.

“Why, you don’t want to get your hair wet?” Alec teased, poking his boyfriend’s thigh and smiling up at him. He’d pushed off of the dock and was doggy paddling in the water before Magnus. 

“Yeah,” Magnus lied. “That’s it. 

The Shadowhunter raised an eyebrow. “You don’t have to go underwater,” he offered. “It’s not too deep right here. Maybe a few inches higher than you, but it’s fine as long as you doggy paddle. You can swim, right?”

 

“Alexander,” Magnus said. “I’ve saved you from drowning before. Of course I can swim.”

“So is that a yes?” Alec asked, swimming closer and touching his boyfriend’s hand. “I promise I won’t splash you. Please?”

Magnus finally gave in. “Fine, fine. But as long as I don’t go underwater, okay?” Alec nodded and scooted back, giving Magnus space to get in. He maneuvered in, somehow. He kept a death grip on the peer, and did not let go when he was emerged to the upper chest. Alec extended a hand to him, and he took it.

Alec was keeping him afloat. They drifted away from the wooden dock, into the water farther. Jace, Clary, Simon, and Izzy took turns flipping and diving into the water. Meanwhile, Alec and Magnus held hands and Alec pulled them along gently.

“This isn’t horrible,” Magnus murmured quietly. 

“You ready for me to let go?” Alec asked. Magnus nodded, not wanting to look helpless or to let his boyfriend know how badly he was panicking inside. It wasn’t the worst thing when Alec was holding on to him, but it was still bad. Without Alec…

Magnus wasn’t ready for Alec to let go. Magnus would never be ready for Alec to let go. But he said he was, and Alec let go. 

It was fine for a few seconds, and then it took a dark turn. It was like falling; a few seconds of peace, of not knowing that anything was wrong, and then your stomach jumps to your throat and you panic. That was what Magnus was like swimming. It was a few seconds of floating, and then he was sinking, he was panicking. The warm water was consuming. 

He was submerged. His eyes widened, and he couldn’t see anything but black. A hand was on his back - he pushed it away. He thrashed in the water, finally, finally managing to throw his head up and break the surface of the water, choking up water he’d inhaled. It was a lot of water.

Magnus threw his arms around Alec’s neck, clinging on to him for dear life. He buried his face in Alec’s neck, breathing heavily. Alec threaded his right hand in Magnus’ hair, a gesture that Magnus usually found endearing and cute. Now, his heart sped up again, and he jerked his head up, pushing Alec’s hand away. 

He could see over Alec’s broad shoulders. The other four Shadowhunters had paused their games and slashing and jumping and were staring at Alec and Magnus. Jace said something quietly to Clary. 

Alec said something - Magnus could feel the warmth of Alec’s breath on his bare collarbone - but he didn’t register what he said, just the tone of the voice. His boyfriend sounded concerned. Magnus just pushed away from Alec, using that little force to reach the dock. He pulled himself up and turned to his friends. “I think I’ll be on the shore, thanks,” he said, voice surprisingly steadily, and turned to walk away, strides a little bit farther and a little bit faster than usual.

The other Shadowhunters stayed in the water, murmuring quietly, but Alec followed in pursuit. He sat down next to Magnus on the towels on the shore. He put an arm around Magnus, who was sitting with his knees curled up to his chest and his head hiding in his arms on his legs. Magnus didn’t look up at the touch.

“Magnus, talk to me. I’m serious. Are you okay?” Magnus just shook his head. He could still taste the dirty water in his mouth. He could still feel it in his lungs. He was vulnerable. He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, a powerful warlock who had literally survived Hell, and here he was, blinking back tears because he went underwater in a lake with his boyfriend two feet away. He wasn’t supposed to be this weak.

“What’s wrong, Magnus? You’ve been acting kind of off all day,” Alec said, leaning in to his boyfriend. Magnus shrugged. “Please tell me. You can trust me. I’m sorry,” Alec rambled quickly.

The warlock looked up, eyes still welling, just a bit, in the corners. He wiped them away with his arm, not that that did much help, since his arms were still dripping wet. “I don’t like water,” he said flatly.

“You could have just told me, Magnus.”

“I could have,” Magnus agreed. “But I didn’t. I didn’t want you to think I was weak or something, I guess. I don’t really know why, I just… it’s kind of personal.”

Alec pulled back and looked at Magnus for a few seconds before leaning his head on Magnus’ shoulder again. “Will you tell me why you don’t like water?” he asked quietly in a soft, comforting voice.

For the first time, Magnus really looked up. His eyes weren’t as wet now. Magnus let out a half sigh and gave in. “Fine,” he said before jumping into his explanation. “When I was younger, a lot younger - I think I was only ten or twelve or somewhere around there - I… wasn’t really accepted. My parents hated me. My mom left me to care for myself most of the time. She was fine with just leaving me alone and never talking to me and pretending I didn’t exist. My step dad on the other hand…

“My step dad hated my guts, just for existing. You know how warlocks are made, and he figured it out, too. Kind of. He thought my mom cheated on him and I looked the way I did because the devil cursed my mom for her sins or something. I don’t quite remember his exact thinking. But he hated me. He thought I was the devil himself parading around his land, and he wouldn’t let that be, especially since I was getting older and he couldn’t pass me off as still developing like he could when I was just born.

“I was outside, in the forested area to one side of our house, or my parent’s house, really, they didn’t like me being inside. But I was playing by the lake, not doing anything bad, just creating sparks in my fingers and watching the water put them out. And my step-father came up behind me, and I still remember every word. 

“He said, ‘You spawn of Satan, you won’t curse this family anymore,’ and he pushed me in the water. I was really young, and it wasn’t like I could practice magic, so I couldn’t even do something simple to keep me from drowning, so I just kind of passed out, and when I woke up, it was night, and I was halfway emerged in the water, and soaking wet. I tried to go back to my house. I snuck in, and my parents were sitting in the living room with a single candle lit even though it was the middle of the night.

“I walked in and my mom went white as a ghost. My step-dad stood up, and he stepped towards me, and he told my mom, ‘I told you he was the Satan’s child. I killed him, and here he is.’ I just turned around and ran. He certainly would have killed me if I hadn’t. And I just… never went back. 

“I’m sorry. I haven’t gone anywhere near a lake since then unless I had to. I just saw the water and panicked, and it was okay at first, but then you let go and I just freaked out and sank and… I’m not really one for swimming, if you hadn’t noticed.” 

Magnus forced and smile and leaned into Alec’s chest. Over the course of his story Alec had hugged him tighter, pulling him close and rubbing his bare back gently. There were thin white lines on Magnus’ back, too, if you looked really closely. Those were also from his father. Alec had asked and never really gotten an answer.

“Magnus, I’m so sorry,” Alec whispered. “About your dad and about making you get in the water, too. I didn’t want to freak you out or scare you or anything. I’m really really sorry.”

The warlock pulled back and his cat eyes met Alec’s. “I know,” he said, smiling, but this time it wasn’t forced, it was a genuine smile. He wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, and he kissed him. Alec tasted like lake water and something so naturally Alec that he’d never been able to put his finger on it. He felt large, warm hands snake around his waist and pull him closer. Alec laid back on the sand, pulling Magnus on top of him. Their bodies fit together like two puzzle pieces. 

It was moments like this when Magnus was most glad his dad hadn’t managed to drown him that day.

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I uploaded two fics in two days! 
> 
> Anyway, if you enjoyed the story, kudos and comments are always appreciated. 
> 
> If anyone wants to talk or simply see some rad posts, my tumblr is teamfreetitan.


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